My Daily Wuht?! 121310

 

I woke up too early today. 5 am is definitely not the time for me to wake up, not unless I’m running… I don’t know why. I tried sleeping again but I can’t, I can smell my mom’s cooking, my dad’s outside doing his daily sweeping & I can hear the two brats getting ready for school. Is this just a typical Monday morning or is there something different? Can’t seem to forget this conversation I had with my old time friends in the messenger yesterday… it was like 3 yrs since we last talked about stuffs. The usual kamustahan and what not. I just can’t understand why people always asks, “how’s your love life?” hahaha of all the things to ask… why not just a simple “kamusta ka na and all..” or “its been a while, what are you doing lately?” Well, instead of ranting about why ask the question, I answered it anyways… The typical and most “gasgas” answer, “Oh I’m busy working, no time for such stuffs.” And just when I thought it’s over, there’s a follow up question: “what happened? tell me.”

I’m like “oh no here we go again.” Honestly speaking I hate bringing the past back. Especially when there’s more of the painful memories than the good ones. I buried those to save myself from crying and being in that depression shit again. Why worry or cry over something not worth at all? they wont bring everything back anyways. Why think of someone who’s not thinking or who doesn’t give a damn about you. A waste of time and energy. As expected, a lot of advice came up… there was this:

Aji, love those who push you away cause one day they will realize they needed you but you will have moved on and won’t need them, then they can feel the pain you felt – Loving them is like doing suicide… haha. I know the feeling. On second thought, If he wants to come back, then go back… Let’s have a talk and who knows. bwahaha. But seriously, loving someone even if they push you away and still you hang on thinking that you might still get the change of fixing things up and you end up disappointed because you didn’t get your chance and you end up hurt & alone. Not good.

Aji, keep your eyes wide open, you never know when someone from the past will pop back into your life and make you realize what it is that you’ve been missing! – no need to tell them, if they want to, they will. Do I always have to say hey I want you back or whatever for them to do or realize that?  I don’t think so. I did my part patching things up, asking for another chance to save it and all… One thing I’ve learned is that men will have all the excuses if they want you out of their lives. Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw uber daming dahilan. It’s a total fire sign in most men so be ready when your man starts to make excuses. haha

Aji, Some people change. Some people stay the same. Some people turn into someone you don’t even recognize. – True. Even in friends, or I thought they were my friends… until they did something that is highly not friendly. Like ruining your relationship, gossip (damn I hate people gossiping about stuffs that is non of their business), and invading your privacy, Oh well, all of us wear masks, but since you’re my friend or lover, isn’t it fair that you’re not being honest or transparent? When I’m in a relationship, I make it a point that I say everything, its up to you to believe me or not, all I need is for you to trust whatever I say. There are these people who you thought are civilized people but they’re not. And some people just turn into this stranger that you don’t even know. It’s like when you’re together he is THIS, but now he is THAT and not even in a good way. That’s sad…

Aji, Prayer will take care of your future, because your faith will keep you in your present, since your past is gone. – this was the best advice I had. Proven and tested. My mom saw me with the failed relationships I had and she had the same advice. Pray. That I’d be able to embrace all the pain, so that I can do better next time. To pray for that person, even though he hurt me. To help me be patient and just wait for what’s in store for me. To give me strength to face whatever’s coming my way, and to lead me to that someone who is really for me.  A simple thing to do but really great help.

We finished chatting like 2 am, that’s why I wondering why I’m awake. It’s so cold, so the temperature is not an excuse for waking up early. My alarm was not set… so what? Why am I up so early? haha oh well, sabi nga nila, “live this day as if it was your last.” So to those that I offended, “I’m sorry”. To all the people who’s always been there “uber thanks!”. And I love you to all the people that I love. malay mo today’s my last, we’ll never know. haha

Maagang aning! starting my day with a smile.  :)

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