Forgive me because I’m using an iPad for the first time, as I do not have access to a computer.
Happy Independence Day weekend to my fellow BBQ-ing Americans. If you have a life then you’re probably not sitting around reading my post (and if you are, well I’m writing it, so that makes me….) but I still love you all!
Defined as a sensation by many
Instilled as expectations long ago
Internal? Otherwise fatherly/motherly
Arriving on a whim when the right person appears
Expecting a feeling to erase all our unspoken fears
Emotionally, physically, magically, spontaneously degenerates
As easy as you fell in
Spontaneously, magically fall out
Hocus pocus when the pixie dust is gone
there appears all the wrongs
Slight of hand slight of heart
Tremendous hopes and expectations
Consequence of your heart’s misconception
Is that the love you have for me?
Shallow as your eyes can see?
My love deeper and lasting
Your goodness appreciating
My love is a choice (first)
Dealing for better or worst
Focus rooted in the good in you
Investing in you part of me giving
In the emotional times when we are low
Indecision to stay or go
In at its lowest always grow
Looking for the good in you
Loving you as God intended
This is not a magical feeling
Or whimsical affection
It did not just happen
Created over time without ballooning expectation
How can I so easily say…still
Because my love is not a feeling nor a magic sensation
It is loves true definition
Of you to me
So these are honest words written by a man who is also learning about love’s true meaning. I was talking with the poet about the changes he experienced after the dissolution of his marriage. He doesn’t hate his ex, he wishes the best for her; forgives her and is living in a new chapter. And the reason he is able to turn the page, is because he is experiencing love’s true meaning.
Because when you have love, you can’t hate the people who wronged you. Even those who betrayed your deepest trust. I know this is true, because the opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference. It’s when you can truly forgive that person, you can move on.
Though the circumstances are different, I wonder why I seem to have trouble with that last step of forgiving and moving on? Everyday, things are getting better and I try to stay positive and appreciate things more; little things no longer seem little -like someone smiling or saying “Good morning” to you. But I can’t help waving from blame to disappointment or anger over the way Jon exploited me.
And other times he doesn’t cross my mind, or I don’t feel anything when I think of him. I don’t want to date again despite everyone else telling me to…and even trying to hook me up (that’s a post for next week); but it’s hard forgiving someone who callously uses others for his own benefit.
But all in good time. Moving on is different for everyone, and the steps aren’t laid out like a map.
One year ago this month, I experienced something that I never felt. I was in love: meaning that for first time I gave love and saw someone in his purest form and I still loved him. And it takes courage and inner strength to give that to someone. Especially someone who may not deserve it.
Now I’m not with that person, not because I stopped loving him; but because I realize that he did not feel the same way or is unwilling to give back. Thus he would hurt me more if I stayed. My love has changed over the course of time, and it may not go away.
Maybe for men it’s different. And I would like to hear more from male readers. Even though the poet and I talked on legnth about this topic, I know men are wired differently and may not experience the same love in every relationship and moving on is different from them.
In fact, he remarked, “A man wants to marry a woman who loves him more than he loves her.”
“Because a guy is anticipating messing up.” And as women, if we love…we’re loyal enough to overlook it or forgive.
What is your true definition of love?