Struggles…

“Sorrow comes in great waves…but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, in as much as it passes and we remain.”

God knows the pain we go through as a person, and the struggles we face. He sees all, feels all, knows all. We often feel like we are alone, and no-one can understand the things we are going through, but there is One who understands, One who knows the fullness of all we are facing.

Recently, my Grandpa was rushed to the hospital due to respiratory failure and is in critical condition. I was worried and I feel uneasy when I heard the news. I know this day would come. But its different this time, I am far away and I can do nothing about it. As much as I wanna go home and spend time with him which could be our last times together, I can’t and it makes me feel more depressed.

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I really didn’t grow up in my mom’s side of the family, so I can’t really say that I have a close relationship with them, including my grandparents. Well not until now, that we are all grown ups and we are facing our own different challenges  But the biggest one is this.

All I can say is that our Papa is very supportive when it comes to her apos. He’s always saying that, ‘Even though I am not rich or I don’t have many possessions  seeing my children and my grandchildren succeed in their own makes me the most richest man in the world. It is enough for me.” I was really touched when he personally made us this congratulatory banner after we graduated from college. I am not the person who is ‘showy’ when it comes to emotions but I was really very touched by what he did. He’d always proudly say to all of his friends and relative, “Oh this is my Miss Architect!’ and that one big hug & kiss before we go home at night is really priceless. Even though it is not that often but that’s one thing that I’d really miss the most.

Maybe I didn’t feel this way about my Dad’s Father because when he died, I was young then, I didn’t know how to react or even show how sad I am. Now that I’m all grown up, I feel like losing someone is the hardest. I know everyone agrees with that, and I am also aware that we’d all reach that stage where we have to say goodbye. It’s just that the moment the news sink in I felt all their emotions as well – my mom’s who was having a hard time hiding her emotions every time she sees my grandpa struggling, having a hard time in the ICU, my dad who is trying his best to be strong for the sake of my mom, my uncles and aunties who are also worried and at the same time preparing themselves for what might happen.

This was the first time that I was away, and I felt really bad that I can’t sleep at night worrying that I might receive a bad news the next day. I was trying not to cry while talking to my mom so that I wont add up to her sadness. I just hope everything will turn out well, I really wanna see him badly and it hurts me really bad that I can’t do anything about it. But I know God has plans for everything, I or we just have to pray that we may accept everything that he has in store for us all, and that it will all be for the better.

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