by Amy Chan (justmytype.ca)
I used to fear endings. The anxiety of the unknown and the shaking up of my comfort of the expected was frightening. But life happened. And along that journey came inevitable endings – of friendships, of jobs, and of course, the ending of a love you thought was meant to be forever.
The first time experiencing the ending of a relationship can be traumatic. I recall my first experience of this, when my free-spirited French boyfriend came home one day and replaced his usual “Hi hunny” to, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
I recall the second time, when the man I thought I was going to marry told me, “I am a terrible person. I’ve done something terrible…”
The exact words that followed was a blur. Before my mind could even process, my body reacted. I fell to the ground as if my body had physically shattered into a million pieces. As I laid there, unable to move, unable to do anything but sob and gasp for breath, I felt my spirit, my hopes, my everything – evacuate my soul. And there I was, just an empty shell of a body, in so much pain that I could feel nothing.
But you get back up. You put the pieces back together. You always do.
You realize that you were just bruised, not broken. And after the discomfort of longing, pain and shame is over, you find yourself standing in front of a blank canvas. You feel a sense of empowerment as you realize you can create your life and the characters in your story the way you want it.
You become a little wiser, a lot more experienced and monumentally stronger. You understand that the journey never really ends. That life is a loop, and after one ending is a new beginning. You appreciate this cycle and the irony of how all these seemingly fragmented pieces – eventually align and make sense as part of something bigger.
Experience removes the fear of things ending. Wisdom teaches you that when one door closes it’s because another one is meant to open. So today, when something ends, no longer do I feel dread and angst. I feel excited. I feel hope. I have faith that every person, every lesson, every experience is astepping stone – each one taking you closer to where you are supposed to be, the person you are meant to become, and the person you destined to share your journey with.
Some endings are out of your control. The universe decides on the timing, sometimes more abrupt than others, and you just have to get through it. But there are other endings that are a choice and mark a crossroad. This is when you have to ask yourself truthfully and without fear, “Does this fit with what I what I need? Does this person, place or opportunity take me closer to the life vision I want to create, or further away from it?”
Evaluate. Edit. Evolve.
When something doesn’t fit quite exactly, your body always knows. There is a voice whispering inside of you. But we often justify away our intuition, only to repeat our karma and lose time. Be conscious of being attached to something that doesn’t fit because you are afraid of the discomfort of it’s ending. You may not know what lies ahead, but that’s the exciting part. There’s a world of possibility, of potential and of new memories to be made – waiting for you. And it only gets better from there. I promise.
All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.